boyfriend stopped trying
You deserve to be with someone who shows you respect who likes you the way you are, who isnt always trying to fix you and who listens when you ask him to stop certain behaviours rather than telling you your request is ridiculous. You know your boyfriend and your own situation better than we do, so I trust you to figure out who and what you are dealing with and take steps to care for yourself. "Breaking up evokes a lot of really strong emotions in people," Dr. Freitag explains. He felt justified in hurting my feelings as long as it was based in reason.. The first impression is good and you two exchange numbers. Im so disappointed in you. That means I dont want to run my food intake by you any more., To be absolutely clear, you should not have to justify any of this, and you are not the one making it weird by setting boundaries here. Also, being logical in emotions includes: I feel sad, so logically I should do things that make me less sad, Im feeling stressed, so I will eat food I enjoy as self-care, and I feel emotionally drained, so today I will make fewer demands on myself. It is not logical to demand someone ignore their emotions. Not really. Get out into nature together take a day trip, if you need to. Piggybacking on this, just in case LWs partner is well-meaning-but-clumsy-at-expressing-his-desire-to-help and not maliciously-undermining-LW: I wonder if it would be possible, and if he were open to it, to do a few joint sessions with LWs therapist so the therapist can be a neutral party for them to air their viewpoints to and help them strategize better ways of interacting over these issues. Let your thoughts sit while your jealousy simmers down a little bit. As I was reading the original letter, I was thinking that the question ought to be how to break up with him. I think you can tell dude that the things he is doing are not helping and that your therapist agrees with you (assuming therapist does and I think therapist is your number one go to about this) and also give him things he *can* do to help you when you are feeling down. When things are at their worst, do you still make each other laugh, do you still turn to each other and see each other as someone with much to offer, do you still treat each other with affection and find pleasure in each others company? Its also a thing that gets easier once youve done it. I usually agree with our captain, but this time I see all those scripts as an exercise in trying to change him into a reasonable boyfriend even as hes trying to change you into someone who eats her vegetables. I have found a form of exercise that it tremendously good for me: I have an exercise bike that you can hook up to a tablet and plan a route on Google Streetview. Flags! And sometimes the answer is I cant. Ive been getting that in a current relationship myself, hey I did X, yay me is almost always responded to with what about Y and Z? Your current boyfriend sounds a bit like my first one. Dont let b/f make you feel otherwise, and if he cant change, dont be afraid to walk away. For a relationship to survive a crisis like that, you have to like the person (not just love them) and respect the person (not just love them). He dropped out of college to focus on being a sound cloud rapper. A lot of men dont know what constitutes looking good, sure, but most at least know a clean shirt and something other than cotton or jersey material is the way to go. 5 Be Friendly Some exes are best handled by treating them in a friendly manner. ! and but Ive been running for 40 minutes 3-5 times a week for months and I dont feel *any* better (in fact, in many ways I feel *worse*), what is WRONG with me? It also sounds like massive hyperbole. My therapist suggested that I start taking more autonomy over my choices around this, and to stop looking to you for input about every little thing. I guarantee you it will only get worse. I recognize that it can be really frustrating to coexist with someone elses depression, but the thing is, your boyfriend is not obligated to stay if he cant deal with it. So this guy is trying everything he can to fix the LWbut since depression makes people act against their best interests, the boyfriend doesnt trust said LW to deal with this on their own. He doesnt want you to be as well as possible (AWAP), he wants your illness to be gone. You are more than good enough you are wonderful, no matter what you are doing, what choices youve made today. He no longer answers his phone as quickly as before. And Ive gotten better about listening. Without the receptive, captive audience, it isnt nearly as much fun for him. Do yourself a favor. Do you believe and trust that the struggling person is doing the best they can within their limitations, and treat them as the expert on their own life? It didnt make it easy, but it helped, and it showed support. Id say all this really depends on the details. Both of the above. Bliss. I have an ex my friend refers to as The Physical Manifestation of MellifluousDissents (Formerly) Low Self-Esteem. I suspect this b/f may belong to that club as well. There were plenty of other things wrong with our relationship, but I was super-duper in love with him except that now I realize the person I ACTUALLY liked, loved, and respected was the imaginary version of him that lived in my head. What would be his next project if you suddenly started following all his rules precisely? He Stopped Calling. Weve worked hard to become partners in his health and Ive definitely made some missteps along the way. If your boyfriend is receptive to feedback, wants to repair the relationship, and expresses a desire to respect your boundaries, a conversation may be a healthy way for you to find closure or express your hurt. It makes me feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough, that he will always focus on what Im not doing instead of what I am trying to do. If he makes you feel like crap about yourself, then you will feel like no one else will want to be with you. You really loved him for the way he was always kissing you on your face, holding your hand when crossing a busy street, or shopping in a supermarket. "I . He graciously said that hed wait for me to get better, which somehow included losing weight, even though I never said anything about that, but continued to be, well, him, which was a self centered twit who wanted a wife, and not actually *me*. That one was also helpful. Hit the gym. I would say, How does blindly doing everything you say make me more adventurous? We would go round and round, but I never got through to him, because I wasnt willing to back my words with actions. Here are 7 early warning signs of a controlling boyfriend who thinks he owns you. One way to equalize a relationship like this while still showing care for your partners mental health is to maybe suggest fun things to do TOGETHER. The awful thing is that our families groom us to be victims of whatever BS is their flavour of abuse, and then there we are, pre-groomed for whatever arseholes show up to take advantage. Mood swings. Yup. I've compiled a list of 7 signs you need to stop trying to save a failing relationship. I dont think all relationships that arent in it for better or for worse and in sickness or in health are bad, but I do think that makes it a more casual relationship and one you shouldnt rely on. When I struggle with depression, I am fighting back against the numbness that settles over my body and mind standing up for yourself and your own care is such a wonderful and inspiring thing, wishing you all the best! Ive been dealing with depression for a while, too. I 100 million percent second this. And when Spouse or I are depressed, the other one will say Hey, lets go for a walk! And sometimes we go, and the Depressed One says I feel better. You know that he is flirting with those other girls, even if you cant see him do it. Hell either stop talking, or hell go into a bluster-storm of What did you just say? He doesnt seem to be enjoying himself around you anymore now. Of course only you can decide if this is leftover caretaker anxiety that youre willing to move through with him, or hes controlling in a weird way (or both) and what youre willing to put up with. A lot of times he may have hinted you before that there was something that bothered him. It could be as simple as saying to him, I noticed you've been distant recently, is there something bothering you? Annnnnd, suddenly I understand why my husband is forever puttering about in the garden. Unfortunately, these storytellers dont get it. Personally, I dont like relationships where I am treated like that. Some men prefer to chase women rather than being in a relationship with them. I had a boyfriend like that once. He'd make you feel special by giving you his undivided attention during these conversations. My relationships are my safe space, my place of comfort, a foundation from which to push myself off of and to come back to when the world has worn me down. That person is going to be psyched by evidence that you are capable and willing to chart your own course, and think, Hey, my partner must be feeling better, since they have their shit under control. Its like saying well, be careful not to be happy. Your boyfriends suggestions dont sound like the ones I would give to someone struggling with depression. And will often ask if I want icecream instead Its possible. its one of the downsides of having a toddler he still needs decent meals to function at anything like a survivable level. Youve been through a lot, and you have been so strong and come so far and you have a wonderful partner who wants to help you and knows whats best for you. LW, your bf sounds like my ex bf with the bone deep conviction that you should always be allowed to comment on your sos appearance and choices and exercise and work ethic. The boyfriend may well not be reasonable. And theyre not omnipotent (well, actually, maybe they are?! (To be fair, hes gotten *much* better.). And sometimes people respond to that by trying to keep a person from getting healthier. Its still manipulation. This, again, is part of why we dont have a good relationship). I should have left him at various points throughout the relationship but I just didnt see how bad it was until I had the vantage of hindsight. Want to have breakfast next Saturday/Catch up by Skype or phone soon? Since it sounds like your family might not be supportive, avoid them for now, and avoid all people who tend to make you feel small or sap your energy or who have the same bossy/halping tendencies as your boyfriend. 18 Sure Signs He Will Marry You Someday: Cues to Decode His Intention, What Makes a Man Want to Marry You: These 7 Things. Once youve done it its one of the downsides of having a he! First impression is good and you two exchange numbers downsides of having a toddler he still needs decent meals function! Be fair, hes gotten * much * better. ) anything like a survivable.. Feel better. ) saying well, actually, maybe they are? question. Their emotions Spouse or I are depressed, the other one will say,. 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